My daughter thinks John Cena is better suited to save her from domestic violence than I am

My two oldest daughters, ages 9 and 10. were discussing domestic violence today. The nine-year-old wondered aloud what they'd do if their boyfriends ever hit them. I said, "Call your dad. I'll resolve the problem."

Ignoring me, the nine-year-old answered her own question: "I'd call John Cena."

Ten-year-old: "You don't have his phone number."

Me: "That doesn't matter. Call *me* if he hurts you and I'll come beat the crap out of your boyfriend."

Nine-year-old: "But he would think you're puny. You're a small man." (I'm 5' 6")

That, my dear, is why God invented baseball bats.

*Note: I recently lost an old acquaintance -- an amazing mother of three small children -- to domestic violence, so it's an especially sensitive topic at the moment. This blog post is not intended to make light of domestic violence, those who carry it out, or its victims.

Two little girls wade into the Oxford comma debate

In which two of my daughters debate the Oxford comma, sort of:

C. (age 7): "Dad, what's 'Sarah, Plain and Tall' about?"

Me: "It's about a girl named Sarah, who is apparently plain and tall."

C.: "How do you know that?"

Me: "From the title of the book."

C.: "What if it was about three people -- one named Sarah, one named Plain, and one named Tall?"

L. (age 9): "It's not. The title would have to have commas."

C.: "It does have a comma."

L.: "But it would need more for there to be three people."

C.: "No it wouldn't."

L.: "Yes. It would need a comma after 'Sarah,' and another after 'plain.'"

C.: "No it wouldn't. It just needs one comma to make three people."

L.: "[C.]! I'VE BEEN TO SCHOOL! I KNOW WHERE COMMAS GO!"

C.: "No, it--"

L.: "DAD, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL [C.] THAT I KNOW ALL ABOUT COMMAS? SHE THINKS I'M STUPID!"