In Which My Daughters Educate Me about Maturation and being a Preteen

Scene: I am in the minivan driving the girls home from school.

L. (Eight y/o daughter): "Dad, did you know that girls can hit puberty and start their periods when they are eight years old?"

Me: "No."

L: "[Redacted] told us so. Girls can start their periods that early! So [S., her ten-year-old sister] and I could start our periods any time now."

Me <thinking>: Ohhhh boy!

L: <voice rising into a panicked shout>: "So we are both really worried about periods!"

S. (Ten y/o daughter): "No we're not!"

L: <still panicked>: "Periods, periods, periods! I don't want mine to start now! I don't want that! And [S.] is older than me. She could start any time! What if she starts next week?"

Me <thinking>: Kill me now!

C. (Seven year-old daughter): "What's a period?"

Me: "It's a punctuation mark."

If anyone needs me, I'll be out buying a dog.